We built a fort out of chair backs and blankets and carrot sticks and egg yolks and second chorus break downs. We pretended that the fort was a top secret, government science station, and that outside the fort was the arctic and death and millipedes and Michael Bay movies. Inside though, inside was all beeps and boops and lights that went from left to right and up and down and a screen with a radar thing on it and a floor made of couch cushions and comforters and board games and watermelon candies.
Through the frost covered window we could see a trickle of light, and what appeared to be a four legged wilda beast, roaming the wasteland. “Invite the wildabeast in!” proclaimed the people of the fort. And so it was. And they happily co-existed until he totally bossed up one of the couch cushions and made foam spill out everywhere. Then they made the wilda beast get the hell out cause he was a big idiot.
Here’s a video of my publisher Mike Lecky reading “Eric, Who is a Robot” at Pilot books in Seattle, Washington (2nd video). Also There’s a video of Joey Comeau readin’ from his book Overqualified, and Zack VandeZande reading something or other, possibly not something from his book Apathy and Paying Rent.
What up, Seattle.
We’d been trying to copy each other for hours now.
Her (at the same time): RRRROOOOOOLLLLAAARRRRBIKE!
Me: Haha, what’s a rollarbike?
Her: It’s one of those bikes that are kind of just one big wheel that you sit in and go.
Me: .. While I am almost certain that is incorrect… I feel I cannot argue with that.
Teeth made of fiberglass and eyes made of baseball halves,
I wander the woods searching for our lost dog,
my kid brother, following close behind.
“How did your eyes get made?” he says
“Someone cut a baseball in half,” I reply
The dog ran away in the night
and we’d waited till morning to go out looking.
“We’ll be able to see in morning,” I’d said.
Now, the frozen dog, stares at us, unmoving, dead.
“But how did they cut baseball?”
He whispers, on our way home.
We were 14 when the world exploded.
She’d stuffed a globe full of firecrackers
and we watched the neighbouring states
fall like meandering snow flakes on their way to somewhere.
We were too young to buy them
and had paid her older brother to go in.
When he came out with the goods in his jacket
and the money in his pocket, we didn’t complain.
We weren’t too young to take an interest in the world
and so we bought the globe ourselves.
“Keep the change, ya filthy animal”,
and us, laughing all the way outside.
On the cover of Tom Robbins’ ‘B is for Beer’, it proudly claims that it’s: “A children’s book for grown-ups” and “A grown-up book for children”. But there’s a reason you don’t see this claim very often, and it’s because it doesn’t really work. This book claims to be for both audiences and as I read through it I just kept thinking that it isn’t really for either. It reads like a children’s book with fairies and whatnot, and I found myself bored about half way through the slim read. Meanwhile the topic of conversation is, as the title proclaims, beer, and the production of it, making it none too interesting for younger readers either.
I will admit that maybe I learned a thing or two about the process involved in brewing beer, but I’d have much rather just read an article or watched an always classy episode of “how it’s made”.
So who IS this book for? I don’t know really. Someone looking for a very easy read? The title, topic, and attractive cover will sell copies to a certain audience, but will ultimately leave that audience disappointed. Save your moola and buy a case of beer instead.
More like B is for Boring.
Ho hum Tuesday afternoon, and not even the sky is beautiful today.
Oh it’s got a bid in. But today’s not doing anybody any favours.
Here’s to more of the same.
“Hi, yes I’m wondering if you have an engine for a 2004 chev optra?”
“An engine. Chev Optra.”
“yes. Chevy Optra”
“You’re looking for an engine you say?”
“I don’t have one.”
“You…- oh. ok”
“Alright then, thank you.”
“Do you have an engine?”
“Do I ha… what?”
“I’M LOOKING FOR AN ENGINE.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Thanks, Good bye.”
A friend, Mike Romard, conducted an interview with me for the website UnfilteredSmoke.com. I’m not sure what the focus of the site is but they have some pretty cool schtuff on there, so I was glad for the chance to talk about myself.
Not for fans of Herman comics.
Ok! So I’ve got things pretty much set up and ready to roll here. I may still tweak things a bit, but this is the new tiredeyes for now. Anybody subscribed to the old RSS feed will probably want to hook up the new one. Also, all the old archives are still around, and can be found in the Links.
So as cliché as it sounds I took the time to hammer out a list of new years resolutions/to-dos that I think will really help me move along this year. Here they are in no real order:
– lose 30 pounds (lol, pretty lame but accurate.)
– finish math 112B and physics 112 correspondence courses fer my upgradin’
– switch tiredeyes to wordpress (done!)
– update tiredeyes everyday mon-fri
– get back into reading (at least a book every 2 weeks, hopefully more)
– learn as much as possible about cars* (specifically mine.)
– start performing better at work
– pay off visa/as much debt as possible
– take a trip to France/Italy (successfully undoing any progress made in the last step…)
– slay the beast known as procrastination as much as possible, as often as possible.**
*I feel like this is a major pain my life currently. I’m bleeding money by paying mechanics to do things to my car because, to be honest, I’m completely and totally clueless. This is akin to people taking their computers to Futureshop to be fixed. It seems to ridiculous to me. If my computer stopped working I could open it up, figure it out in about 20 minutes and be running again in the time it took to get new parts. I know that cars are more complicated than computers (and more expensive) but I really think the same principle applies. I want to know as much as I can about car innards so I can either: a) fix it myself b) avoid getting taken for a ride when I can’t.
**Who doesn’t want to do this? And how long will the drive to correct this actually last? Hard to say, but here’s hoping I can really evaluate what’s important and get some stuff done this year.