We said goodbye on a Thursday
docking on Mars the following Tuesday.
“Did you enjoy your trip?”
The woman behind the counter asked.
“Yes we did,” we replied in unison,
As if traveling to Mars turned us into the Olsen twins.
Do-dads.
Apparently if you don’t like paper or you have one of those fancy electronic book readin’ do-dads, you can buy my book Greetings! from Gumdrop Mountain right now, right here:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0036FTZQG
Amazin’ (Grace)
Fort Etiquette: Fortiquette
We built a fort out of chair backs and blankets and carrot sticks and egg yolks and second chorus break downs. We pretended that the fort was a top secret, government science station, and that outside the fort was the arctic and death and millipedes and Michael Bay movies. Inside though, inside was all beeps and boops and lights that went from left to right and up and down and a screen with a radar thing on it and a floor made of couch cushions and comforters and board games and watermelon candies.
Through the frost covered window we could see a trickle of light, and what appeared to be a four legged wilda beast, roaming the wasteland. “Invite the wildabeast in!” proclaimed the people of the fort. And so it was. And they happily co-existed until he totally bossed up one of the couch cushions and made foam spill out everywhere. Then they made the wilda beast get the hell out cause he was a big idiot.
Eric, Pilot, Lecky, Seattle
Here’s a video of my publisher Mike Lecky reading “Eric, Who is a Robot” at Pilot books in Seattle, Washington (2nd video). Also There’s a video of Joey Comeau readin’ from his book Overqualified, and Zack VandeZande reading something or other, possibly not something from his book Apathy and Paying Rent.
What up, Seattle.
Rollerbike
We’d been trying to copy each other for hours now.
Me: RRRROOOOOOLLLLAAARRRBBLADES!
Her (at the same time): RRRROOOOOOLLLLAAARRRRBIKE!
Me: Haha, what’s a rollarbike?
Her: It’s one of those bikes that are kind of just one big wheel that you sit in and go.
Me: .. While I am almost certain that is incorrect… I feel I cannot argue with that.
Making Eyes
Teeth made of fiberglass and eyes made of baseball halves,
I wander the woods searching for our lost dog,
my kid brother, following close behind.
“How did your eyes get made?” he says
“Someone cut a baseball in half,” I reply
The dog ran away in the night
and we’d waited till morning to go out looking.
“We’ll be able to see in morning,” I’d said.
Now, the frozen dog, stares at us, unmoving, dead.
“But how did they cut baseball?”
He whispers, on our way home.
McCallister/McNally
We were 14 when the world exploded.
She’d stuffed a globe full of firecrackers
and we watched the neighbouring states
fall like meandering snow flakes on their way to somewhere.
We were too young to buy them
and had paid her older brother to go in.
When he came out with the goods in his jacket
and the money in his pocket, we didn’t complain.
We weren’t too young to take an interest in the world
and so we bought the globe ourselves.
“Keep the change, ya filthy animal”,
and us, laughing all the way outside.
We were 14 when the world exploded.
She’d stuffed a globe full of firecrackers
and we watched the neighbouring states
fall like meandering snow flakes on their way to somewhere.
She’d stuffed a globe full of firecrackers
and we watched the neighbouring states
fall like meandering snow flakes on their way to somewhere.
We were too young to buy them
and paid her older brother to go in.
When he came out with the goods in his jacket
and the money in his pocket, we didn’t complain.
B is for Beer – Tom Robbins
On the cover of Tom Robbins’ ‘B is for Beer’, it proudly claims that it’s: “A children’s book for grown-ups” and “A grown-up book for children”. But there’s a reason you don’t see this claim very often, and it’s because it doesn’t really work. This book claims to be for both audiences and as I read through it I just kept thinking that it isn’t really for either. It reads like a children’s book with fairies and whatnot, and I found myself bored about half way through the slim read. Meanwhile the topic of conversation is, as the title proclaims, beer, and the production of it, making it none too interesting for younger readers either.
I will admit that maybe I learned a thing or two about the process involved in brewing beer, but I’d have much rather just read an article or watched an always classy episode of “how it’s made”.
So who IS this book for? I don’t know really. Someone looking for a very easy read? The title, topic, and attractive cover will sell copies to a certain audience, but will ultimately leave that audience disappointed. Save your moola and buy a case of beer instead.
More like B is for Boring.
Nice.
Two Thousand Ten
Ho hum Tuesday afternoon, and not even the sky is beautiful today.
Oh it’s got a bid in. But today’s not doing anybody any favours.
Here’s to more of the same.
We are both looking.
“Hello?”
“Hi, yes I’m wondering if you have an engine for a 2004 chev optra?”
“A what?”
“An engine. Chev Optra.”
“Optra?”
“yes. Chevy Optra”
“You’re looking for an engine you say?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t have one.”
“You…- oh. ok”
“Yeah.”
“Alright then, thank you.”
“Hey wait.”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Do you have an engine?”
“Do I ha… what?”
“Chev Optra.”
“What?”
“I’M LOOKING FOR AN ENGINE.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Engines.”
“Thanks, Good bye.”
Blog Thing
Here it is. Here is mine.